Old Posts - December 2002

	Tuesday Dec 31st 7:24pm by Matt -

You know you just bought a lot of liquor when your credit card company calls you to make sure that no one has stolen your credit card because of a $300 charge at a liquor store. I guess it's nice to know they are looking out for me since I lose it so often. download full cloncd Needless to say I'm hosting a kick your New Year's ass party. Brian will be attending his own party in Arlington. I post that b/c I know that bastard is too fucking lazy to post anything . . . (going on 3 weeks now, brian). I don't know how crazy it'll be tonight but on thing is for sure, we have enough drinks to give at least for dozen african gorillas alcohol poisoning. What's with people asking, "so are you ready for the new year?" I mean, what's there to prepare for? Is there some kind of monumental change that will occur at the stoke of 12/11central. If so, what are we supposed to do to get prepared? How do we know we've done enough of that to know that you are prepared? Does anyone else feel this way? Whatever, time to drink.

Put up a new poll. Apparently there are just some young girls that like 25-year-old rapists (not that I have an opinion on the subject).

Yesterday I received probably the best reader submission in the history of TamUt.com. It's from a guy named Brent and here it is:

How to Write a Tamut Hate Mail for the Tech student

Are you a student at Texas Tech and offended by this website? What follows is a clear formula to respond with a hate e-mail to the website. I realize your anguish. You're on the internet, innocently looking for child porn or possibly for some of those hilarious "Yo Momma" jokes, and you stumble across this website. At first you're confused by the big words you see on the screen, but you think to yourself "Hey, they talking mess about Tech!" And now you want to write a submission to the Dumbfuck section of the page. The following is a clear formula to do so:

1. Begin your letter with a salutation. DEAR FUCKO! works rather well. Show those arrogant bastards that your mastery of the English language is second to none.
2. During, the letter don't worry about capitalizatioN, punctuation; spellinng, proper-sentence/structure, or cohesive arguments. The lack of these items proves that you have no time for these trivialities (TRI-VEE-AL-AH-TEES)
3. Numbers and statistics can lend credibility to your argument. It doesn't really matter if they're made up, only you know this secret, you sly boots! Ex. "our coolness percentige is 92% higher than UT and A&M combined!"
4. To drive your point home you should often ramble incoherently. It is often easier to confuse you're enemy than to try to best him. Ex. "A&M UT SUCKS DONKEY! I AM RULE! TECH FUCK YEAH, PARTY YOU DUMB!"
5. You don't necessarily have to tell the truth to get your point across. If you actually applied to UT or A&M and didn't get in say "I didnt apply to UT or A&M because they were stupid!" or even if you weren't in the top of your class in high school it doesn't matter. You can lie, this is the beauty of the internet. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW! HEE HEE! The first thing that pops in your head, write it down, it'll only help your case.
6. If you can't come up with enough intelligent material yourself, enlist the help of a friend. The concept of synergy can be to your advantage.
7. Use plenty of profanity, nothing says I'm well educated like a properly placed "fuckdumb monkey douchebag"
8. Finally, end your letter with a reassertion of your school pride such as "TEXAS TECH FOOTBALL RULLES!", put your name on your masterpiece, and sit back and bask in your superior wordsmanship.

Congratulations! You just wrote a fine addition to the dumbfuck section of tamut.com. You are of great service to the Lubbock community.

Your buddy,
Brent

Well I don't know about you all but I get bored sometimes on Christmas. Most of my family takes a nap as soon as presents are opened and I'm the only one left awake. Luckily, this is where you can reap the benefits of your new presents. While I didn't have two other fiends to engage in 3-man sling-shot raids on helpless kids on their brand new bikes, I did get to race my new mini-rc cars. These things are great. In a jiffy they can go from nothing to so fast it'll make your head spin (or just fast enough to make a blurry picture). They can do everything too; You want burn-outs? We got your burn-outs. You want some drag racing? We got that too (we had the roads specially lined off for racing). But my personal favorite is pictured above: the wheely-poppin' burn-out take-off. Of course with every race eventually comes a crash or two. But these things are indestructible, so it ain't no thing. All this and they're about the size of my thumbnail. Oh, and for some reason my German Sheppard, Jaeger, is scared as of hell of this thing. Needless to say I spent most of the day chasing it and the other animals in the house.

Now that I've played with my car for about 8 hours straight, it's time to move on to my next useful present: a personal breathalyzer. I'm putting it to the test right now to see my BAC go up and down after each drink. Now I would say this it THE present of the year, but it's not. Why, you ask, is it not? Because the damn thing only reads up to .12 BAC What's the fun in that? So all I get to see is .12 all the time. No fun. I'll be looking for a hack or something that I can get so that it'll read all levels for more entertainment. Until then, YOU'RE ALL JUST LEGAL DRUNK!

That's right folks, the eight men you see above were Arlington's Most Wanted for a period of about 30 minutes. These felons seem to think that they could just walk onto a jr. high school football field (when school was out of session) and proceed to play football at free will. Yea, I was just as appalled as you are. How dare they use the school’s “private” practice fields for their own selfish use. What could have possessed them to do such a thing? Apparently, these kids are just troublemakers rebelling against the law and need to be stopped at all costs.

Obviously, I’m referring to our holiday football bowl that commences each Christmas. Get a few old high school grads together at Young Jr. High and play some mud football (as was the case today). The first security guard told us to leave, so we moved to the practice field rather than the “official” play field. The next security guard was a short black guy just look to start a fight. He say’s it’s private property and we argue about that for a while. Then a Arlington police cruiser shows up. The cruise blares of the mega-phone “I’m too lazy to come out of my car and walk out there, so I’m just using this to yell at you.” Wait, maybe he didn’t say that, but he did say, “Your vehicles will be towed if you do not move them immediately.” Right then a second police cruiser shows up. We all agree we may as well just leave. As we’re walking back to our car the security guard continues to bitch at us as we respond with sarcastic remarks of what a horrible crime we’ve committed. About when we get to our cars a third police cruiser pulls up! I swear to god! I asked them, “shouldn’t you all be our fighting crime or something?” They told us to leave.

Is this not the worst utilization of police enforcement that you have ever seen? 8 guys just trying to play some foot ball and in response we get 2 security trucks and 3 police cars! What the hell is the world coming to?

Oh and new poll up. Here are the results to the crazy milk people.

Even though it was during finals, Chris had to turn 21 sometime. Unfortunately, this meant that a lot of us were unable to consume alcoholic beverages at free will. Hungover studying is just not fun. Princess Erin and I nicely limited our alcoholic consumption although I look like I've had a few too many. Chris, however, raised the bar and ended up in the Ladies' room. It was good entertainment for all and about as much fun as you can have during finals. The rest of the pics can be seen here.

Stuff to Do in Lieu of Studying (cont)

8. Finally post old rants that you wrote a long time ago and just never linked. I wrote this rant after the Mizzou game.
9. Guys only: John asked me to link this, and so I will. If you are a guy who is not in a lab right now, click this for a smile.
10. Write your congressperson and feel like you are a part of the political system even though you most likely didn't vote. Don't know who your rep is? Click here.
11. Get tired of the irony of Popup Ad Blockers being advertised on popup ads and download Mozilla. It has a few bugs, but it has a popup blocker built in.

Unless you've been taking a double dose of Focusin, then you probably find it hard to dodge distractions when studying. In an effort to give you more distractions, I present you with another one of my lists of stuff to do in lieu of studying.

Stuff to Do in Lieu of Studying

1. Find common advertisements and alter them for humorous purposes. I feel that these two ads (Ad 1 | Ad 2) more accurately portray realistic reasons for buying expensive jewlery.
2. Make friends with many morally flexible women as possible just in case you later have to "fill a stable" to make ends meet. Hey, all you liberal arts people will have to make money somehow. :)
3. Search the internet for unique and humorous sites. I suggest checking out BlackPeopleLoveUs.com. (Note: I previously had a link to some internet crack here, but that's going to get too many people addicted.)
4. Go so long without sleep that you develop a very real yet completely irrational fear of Charlie storming your house at any second.
5. Find new ways of getting caffeine into your body.
6. For any of you with a final that includes an essay, learn common words that have alternative British spellings. You might just impress a prof with your use of colour, labour, etc.
7. Kill at least one person who still can't differentiate between "your" and "your're."

It has been forever since I have posted, and I shall use this space to makeup for much lost time. I shall put them in chronological order.

Ring Dunkings

Over the span of about two weeks, I collected a handful of pics from different ring dunkings. The pic above is of Louie and one of his friends. I am not sure how I forgot to post these pics. You can check them all out here.

Trip to Austin

We would have about 200 more pics from Austin, but alcoholic magic somehow caused those to be erased from Matt's camera. The pic above is from when some fellow Aggies and I held a yell practice outside of the Aquarium on 6th. Why did we do this? I don't know, but it probably seemed like a good idea at the time. You can see the rest of the pics from Austin here.

John's Party

The pic above is from John's party this past Friday, and so these pics aren't too terribly late in getting to the internet. I actually posted these pics on the site on Saturday morning, but I just never posted about them on the homepage. One of the highlights of the evening was when Alan decided that drinking out of the keg spill bucket would be a good idea. Of course, this is the same man who asked Coach Fran if he could take out his daughter during his first press conference at A&M. You can see the rest of the pics from John's party here.

And if you're looking to avoid studying for finals, this semester's list of things to do to avoid studying will be posted either later tonight or tomorrow after my numeric final.

So I was thinking ways to help me keep track of my wallet the other day. I came up with a few ideas:

1. I could buy a chain wallet.
   • Pluses:
     • Would limit the distance the wallet could leave my body to about 2 feet
     • Chain could be used as weapon in bar fight
   • Minuses:
     • Might have wallet confiscated at airport
     • More harassing at metal detectors
     • Risk getting jumped b/c I have a chain wallet
2. Get a paging device to page wallet once lost
   • Pluses:
     • Able to locate wallet by sound rather than fuzzy memory
     • Could fuck with your friends if they touch your wallet
   • Minuses:
     • Clubs are loud, might not hear the page
     • If I'm farther than 20 feet from the wallet (as in the 'found in the grass by Congress street' case) page would be useless
     • Don't think such a product exists
3. Develop a shock collar that goes off if wallet leaves a 10 foot radius of my body
   • Pluses:
     • Will know instantly that wallet is missing
     • Will be able to locate wallet by walking in a direction that does shock me
     • Shock could be fun
     • Shock collar could be locked onto drunk, passed-out friend (or anyone) and then throw wallet off balcony for a good time
   • Minuses:
     • May spill drink on adjacent female if shock comes unexpected
     • Shock may leave permanent body injury
     • R&D costs for developing system at home may be expensive
     • "Shock the drunk" game may backfire on me someday

I think we all know the obvious winner of this bunch is the shock collar. Starting tomorrow I will join the science club and form a 9-man group to exploit the ingenious idea. We'll incorporate a firm named "Shockasoreass" and have a reptilian mascot named "Bullnuts" with the shock collar attached at all times. Bullnuts will be featured in all our advertisements that will be filmed and directed personally in a "Used Car Salesman" approach. I may as well just quit my job now . . . can you say hitting it big time?!

On another note, did anyone else see Matthew Mcconaughey at the UT-A&M game at the end. I think you all should know that he's copying my idea of bringing back the aviator lenses. Just thought you all should know.

Apparently people like bar soap. Personally I'm not a fan of bar soap at all. Call me fruity (or just plain clean) but I like Dove liquid soap. Nothing beats the white dove logo if you know what I mean.

New poll up; inspired by events of this weekend.

Update: from the message board, this is some funny ass shit.

That's right. I gotchyo ass today motherfucker! And I'm talking about my wallet. Woke up bright and early at 10am this morning and found that bitch. Sitting in the grass right at the corner of Congress and Cesar Chaves. Just sitting right there in the grass for any ol' bum to pick up. Don't ask me why I happened to be running around in the grass there last night, but I just had this sneakin' suspicion that it was there. YEA! About damn time I find my wallet after losing it. That would have made 3 times in 2 months. I think made that's a sign I get a little too crazy when I drink. Eh, probably not.

So besides that I have a drunken story I need to write up. It was closer to spring break than thanksgiving for me last weekend. And with no pictures, I definitely need to try to explain how I ended up sleeping by the bushes of the stadium and what "shanagans" is. Look for it.

Well after sleeping in the bushes by the staduim Thursday night, tailgating and drinking all day friday, not sleeping all friday night and drinking straight until late Saturday afternoon, I have nothing to show for it except a bad hang over. managed to delete most of the pictures somehow. Makes me pretty depressed. Oh well

The game was awesome from what I can remember. good game.

Posts below this were just from rivalry week