Old Posts - February 2002

	Wednesday Feb 27th 11:16pm by Brian -

What is the greatest computer game ever? This is a question that many of you have never asked yourself. But if you have asked yourself this question, I have an answer: 3D Pinball for Windows(Note: This graphic is 100k due to the fact that I did not want to compromise the high quality graphics of 3D Pinball for Windows with a high compression graphic). This game is included on many of the Windows operating systems and is easy to play. Why am I talking about this? Because this game is more addicting than that nasty crack cocaine habit I had a while back. It has even sparked a competition between my roomie and me as we vie for the highest score. Preliminary plans are in place for a trophy similar to the Geller Cup(a troll doll nailed to a 2x4) to be erected. Of course, the actual trophy will end up being a torn piece of paper with "Winner" scribbled on it. download GTA London 1969 It looks like A&M's women edged out UT's women in the last poll. Of course, what does this poll really mean? More people from A&M voted multiple times than did UT people. Here are the final results. The new poll is a little something the Mighty Kumquat came up with last week.

I reckon it is about time to post some submissions. First, we have added the pic above to the Submitted Pics Page. Next, since I have about 200 e-mails in the jokes account, I finally decided to make another Jokes Archive. Jokes Archive #19 is up and has some very good stuff. Every guy must read The Male Code of Conduct. Dan sent it in, and if you don't read it, you might as well go drink a Smirnoff Ice and watch figure skating. If you want to send in your own stuff, just send it to suggestions@tamut.com.

Hyperlink Section

Drizunk.com - This site has a great domain name and a ton of pics. And they must be good people if they also had a Box Social.

The weekend started with some much needed relaxation. Of course, I mean the TamUt definition of relaxation- drinking. Seeing as how Friday was Ted Kennedy's 70th birthday, I figured a small gathering of some friends, a couple of crazy girls, and even a guy that I share a common ex with was necessary. You would think that would be awkward, but that is where the amazing power of alcohol comes in. I didn't get many pictures, but of course Marc was there to get plenty of pics. Too bad we didn't decide to start taking pics until way later in the night.

I have a ton of submissions to post tomorrow. I would post them now, but I have a lab to write up and a certain pinball score to beat. I have to win a certain trophy(troll doll nailed to a 2x4) from my roomie. This will inevitably end with a game of fireball.

Well it just seems as if the party never ends. Friday night we went down to SWT and did some party hopping down there. It was fun have a big group of hot girls and see all the guys at the party complain whenever we all walked out at once. I did get some pics though. Nothing too crazy in the pics.

Then last night we gathered up a bunch of our friends and rolled 22 deep to the club. Voodoo wasn't too packed but seeing how we brought 22 people it were about half the life on the dance floor. It was great. Then there's that one fucked up guy sitting at the edge of the dance floor tripped out on acid or something. Well this guy decides he's going to get up on the box and dance like some kind of bad '60s flash back. It was only about 30 seconds before the bouncers told him to get down. Well he tries to jump down but ended up landing on his knees. Oh man I bet he broke something and won't know 'till tomorrow.

Well it's time to get some sun by the pool. Can't be pasty in Padre!

Ah, 2 weeks till spring break is an entertaining time for me. I get to see the gym fill up with 3 times as many people as usual with people that think they're getting their spring break body. Just about all college students fall into one of the four categories:

• Someone who thinks they can lose the 20 pounds they've gained in the past 9 months in 2 weeks
• Someone that thinks they can gain 20 pounds of pure muscle in 2 weeks
• Someone who accomplishes one of the above as well as a serious acne condition from the steroids
• Someone who knows they aren't going to the beach

It's like a force of nature at work. You just watch it take it's course. And enjoy the times after spring break when you don't have to wait on the fat-asses to figure out how to work the machine you need.

Well the Austin crew is heading to San Marcos for some partying at SWT. Should be some great times as always.

The poll was supposed to be "Who's the most annoying person on our message board?" However, I think the four choices listed for that poll were all the seem person, and so I shall use another one of the submitted poll ideas. I forgot who sent this one in, but if you want credit for it, just IM me.

Check out this picture on the front of the AggieDaily. It is one of one of my friends doing a demonstration of a back handspring, and I figured she needed to be mentioned on the internet twice in a day. With that kind of flexibility, I am sure some of the male readers will be asking me for her number.

And if you are looking to drink to something tonight, drink to Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., who turned 70 today. If he can make it to 70, anyone can.

You know what I wonder . . . well other than why lab rats don't get tired of running in that damn wheel . . . is why do a good amount of Indian and Arabian people smell so fucking bad. I swear, I'll be at the gym working out and I'll admit that I don't sweat flowers but some 105 pound Indian kid will pull up next to me trying to figure out how to use the Lat pull-down machine and will stink the place up so bad that I can't even lift. I mean it's horrible! Do they not use deoderant? And how the hell can they stand to smell themselves? You'd think it'd be toxic to their health to smell that all day. How can you go through life smelling like that? I wonder if they smell like that after a shower too? Or if not showering is the problem? Maybe they have B.O. flavored soap that they wash with? I just don't get it.

This weekend, I learned a couple things that may be helpful to people in general. First, always be aware of nearby cameras. If you don't, you may soon realize that your joke about giving up crack cocaine for lent suddenly becomes part of a couple's wedding footage from the reception. I am sure they will find that quite disturbing when they watch that. And second, mothers do not appreciate hearing that your future plans include at least finishing college before the shotgun wedding, especially in the presence of your girlfriend. Oh well, I never did claim to have any tact.

It is official. According to TamUt.com, Willie Nelson is the most grizzled musician. I am sure someone can't wait to cite this is a source on a research paper on the topic of grizzled. You can view the final results here. I have some ideas for the next poll, but I think it is time for the readers to create one. The first person to IM at LedZepTX with a good poll idea gets their poll used today. A schematic of how the submission process goes can be seen above. AOL users should click the schematic to see how their submission process works.

Update: Several polls have been submitted. The best one will get posted once that certain person decides to send in the answer choices as well.

Well we just continue to add to our bread and butter of our site, party pics. This week's edition of party pics comes from Rick's party up on UT North Campus. He and his neighbors kindly supplied us with 3 kegs and 8 bottles of everclear punch. Good times. Especially for some people. (sorry, had to post it!)

Well I got a couple of Drunken IMs submitted in the past couple of days. Drunken IM #12 is a pretty good story of someone being "that guy" at a company party. This is one of the best drunken IM's I think we have. Why, you ask? Because it proves that there is drunken life after college. Makes me not regret to much having to one day be out of college in the "real world" of 9-5 jobs.

Drunken IM #13 is really just some drunken jiberish. Hence the name "Drunken IM."

Oh, and I did get picture from this weekend. Well rather someone else took them and I am waiting for them to send them to me to post. Should be good. 3 kegs and 8 bottles of everclear just can't make for a bad time.

The Official Ninja Homepage

Now that is just a great website. Just remember to read in the same context as you would a SNL skit and you'll crack up. What I can't believe is how many people go there. There's about 200 posts each day on the message board that all say the same thing. Just hard to understand that people talk about it for so long. I guess that's what 12 year-olds do on the internet. But it'll get you saying "totally sweet" and talking about ninjas flipping out for a weekend though.

Since today is a holiday of two vastly different meanings, I shall do view this day from two contrasting perspectives- gonna get laid cynical and not gonna get laid cynical.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is a marvelous day...for all of the companies that profit from this commercial holiday. I have already spent a small fortune on gifts just to make sure my girlfriend knows that I still love her. Why must I do this? Because at some point in history, someone took all of these facts and turned into a commercial holiday. It is kind of like Christmas, but not everyone gets gifts. Like Christmas, it was also "coincidentally" occurs at the same time as a Pagan holiday that was originally celebrated on the ides of February. Of course, none of this matters because 10-14 hours of lovemaking shall make up for it. (Cue "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye.)

Singles' Awareness Day

Fuck you. This day sucks. All I get to see is a bunch of people acting happy and in love. However, I shall also spend this day with one of my true loves- a 12 year old bottle of Scotch. I shall get hammered and maybe, just maybe, I will score with someone who as sad as I am. If I don't, at least my wallet won't be as empty as if I had someone special. I shall burn an effigy of the person who commercialized this holiday. (Cue "Used To Love Her" by Guns N' Roses.)

You would have thought a site such as this would have posted something on Mardi Gras, but three engineering assignments doesn't exactly put you in the Mardi Gras spirit. I could've gotten a King's Cake to get in the spirit, but we all know that the le petit Jesus is just a deathtrap concealed by the sweet cake. If you want to see people who actually got to have fun on Mardi Gras, head over to this site.

Evidently, today is Ash Wednesday or the wednesday after Quinquagesima Sunday. So, if you are Catholic, I guess it is time to give up something for forty days. That gives you two choices- give up something that you could call a sacrifice or give up something to beat the system. If you picked the former, then the next near three fortnights may not be fun for you. If you picked the latter, then I suggest you take a gander at the list below.

Things to Give Up for Lent to Beat the System

1. Crack cocaine
2. Coup d'état
3. Smuggling computer parts into the Amish country
4. Peso counterfeiting operation
5. Homemade mayonnaise racket

If you happen to be a crack using, goverment overthrowing, technology introducing peso counterfeiter with the local homemade mayonnaise market cornered, then you may want to e-mail me or some more ideas.

Ok, well it wasn't THAT kickass but Scott requested that title. He was very upset that at his last party I only mentioned his roommate as throwing the party. So I want to give Scott full credit for hosting a party. Click here to see the pics.

Mardi (Mexican) Gras

That's what it should have been called in Austin. The Mardi gras celebration has just gone down hill each of the past 3 years. Luckily I didn't expect anything out of this one and didn't even bother to bring beads. So instead I just brought my g/f and friends. While they didn't bare their breasts, I don't blame them one bit. If they wanted to be on 16 video cameras and mawled by dirty 14 year-old Mexicans that act as if they haven't seen a pair of breasts since they were breast-fed, then I'm sure there are other places they could go to do that. So we spent about 45 minutes squeezing through shoulder-to-shoulder traffic of 90% horny mexicans, 5% horny other-cultured boys, and 5% women (of which 4% where over-weight). After quickly boring with that we party hopped until we got to SCOTT's party. A nice relaxing party away from the mob of mexicans.

I am sure people have wondered for years who the most grizzled musician is. Well, some people at least. I figured it was time to pose the same question to the TamUt.com readers. So, a list of the top 5 grizzled musicians was compiled by a world-class think tank of miners, prospectors, whittlers, and of course, Ed O'Neill. Now, it is up to the readers to decide who the most grizzled musician is.

The last poll proved the obvious- nearly everyone has a cell phone. You can view the results here.

I have noticed that some people link us in their AIM profile, and I figured I would make a little something so that people can efficiently use their profile space and also link us. I am sure I will add some more stuff to this, but to check it out, just click on my AIM link above and look at my profile. If you want it, just copy the code below in your profile.

<A HREF="http://tamut.com/aim/index.shtml" TARGET="_self">TamUt.com</A>

I knew this school was conservative, but there is no need to demonstrate it in article form. Yesterday, The Batt published an article about how Playboy is available at A&M's Evan's Library. This seems harmless enough since I think Playboy does have some good articles than can be used for research. Playboy tells us the hottest ladies are at UT. They even feature a College Bar of the Month. The Dixie Chicken was the first featured. So, I see no reason why a library that subscribes to nearly every other magazine should not subscribe to Playboy. No one will be using those Playboys for the pornography, anyways; that is what the internet is for. And I am sure plenty more students are getting their porn from the Texas A&M ResNet than from the Playboy stash in the library.

Sports Illustrated does a little feature called "This Week's Sign That The Apocalypse Is Upon Us." Here is something that would qualify for that: I actually saw someone on a MTV special who got calf implants. He wins the Tool of the Year award for something like that.

Note: Political cartoon provided by none other than C-Po(Cody if you aren't down with my jive). The cartoon does not represent the views of the artist or of TamUt.com. Take a joke people.

You know what pissed me off? Well besides Rosanne. Is when someone steals my money. You just get the feeling of being raped (well maybe, I've never actually been raped before but I'm guessing). To make it worse you get robbed by someone you know. Like your fucking UNCLE. Uncle Sam that is. That fucker really pisses me off sometimes. So I get a $1000 scholarship. I'm thinking, "cha-ching, new computer-nerd toys coming my way." But no no no, that would make too much DAMN sense. They have to pull $600 out of my financial aid GRANTS (not loans) because I don't "need it anymore." What the fuck ever. So basically I got $400 and screwed out of the rest. Boy, I sure am motivated to get another scholarship so that I can give that away too!

Speaking of stealing money, crooked politics, and the government. I heard that the sweet $300 "refund check" was going to be pulled out of our taxes this year. Anyone else hear that? (I'm looking at you Eric)

Since I have extensive experience dealing with this new-fangled internet product, I figured it was time to break the internet into catergories, thrice.

Good

I could name the obvious(free porn, music, and software), but that is only 90% of what the internet offers. The internet also offers credible information and with credible information comes this website. Of course, with this website also comes pics like this.

Bad

Two words: gay porn. The only thing worse than gay porn is gay porn files having filenames which seriously misrepresent the content of said files. Among the other things bad about the internet is its ability to freak out stupid people much quicker than in the days of yore. Now, people even get freaked out about the internet. I got an IM sometime this morning saying something about AOL charging people for using AIM unless I sent the message to a certain number of people. That rumor has only been going around for three years, and you think people would wisen up by now.

Creepy

All of the creepiness of the internet can easily be summed up by looking at the countdown on the left side of this site.

Yes, that appears to be me slapping a Sasquatch's ass. But no, really that's a normal-sized person that happened to just be lined up in the foreground with me slapping someone else's ass.

The pics from Friday's parties makes for quite a long story so I'll just hit the high points. The first few you can see "The Austin Effect" in play and us preparing the drinks. Then the party slowly builds until I have to make more punch. I love this picture. I said "Chris don't get red kool-aid" and what did I get, red fucking kool aid. Luckily (very luckily) there were no bad stains. Then just more great party pics, me pissing in the punch, a hidden ninja in two of the pictures (can you find him?), moved the party to another apartment where we found no beer a way too many sausages, so we came back, turned the music on, danced with just our crew, then the required trip to Taco C and back to crash. I honestly have to say it's one of the best parties we've thrown. The pictures can't begin to explain the excitement.

Well I don't have time to talk about the party (damn 8am's). But I will at least put a link to all the pictures and tell the story behind it tomorrow.

Also, someone requested I put up a link to that great site to where beads are sold for cheap. www.toomeys-mardigras.com - I didn't order any this year, but they got some great prices. Does anyone know why Mardi Gras is so early this year? Post the answer on the Message Board because I honestly don't know.

The TCU date party was a bit slow considering the drive that was necessary to get there and being underage did not help things. However, I found out that this bar didn't even have tequila. What kind of a bar would do a thing like that? Luckily, I had a flask of Scotch in my coat pocket to get me through. I guess it is better to have been a little sober than to have been "that guy" who vomitted before he even got inside this bar. TCU lightweights need to learn to hold their liquor. That is when you know you took your pre-drinking a little too far. The pic above shows a nice mix of people who actually dressed the theme and people who didn't. From left to right, there is G.I. Ho(Neil), Roller Barbie(Betsy), Catholic Schoolgirl Barbie(Jessica), Ted Kennedy(me), and Dominatrix Barbie(Allison). Allison's dominatrix top was removed on the bus ride back, and that is why she doesn't look like a dominatrix in the pic. Overall, good times were had.

Here is a little more for Dumbfuck #10 to read:

Dumbfuck #10, otherwise known as Allison, has quite fittingly earned the title of exactly that...Dumbfuck! Are you even intelligent enough to attend LCC...I must say, they have reached a new low with admissions by letting you in. Oh and top ten percent my ass...you actually expect us (aggies and longhorns) to believe that someone as ignorant as you could make it to that position. Yeah Right!
Now, have you ever even been to College Station? The town may be small...but there is tons of traffic!!! It takes fifteen minutes to get anywhere because everyone has to fit within the tiny perimeter of this town, therefore creating constant traffic. As for "the dog" getting hit by a car...fat chance. Oh and it has a name, Reveille. We don't exactly just let her roam around...she has guys with her 24/7. Nice try though.
Also, orange may be out...but I have to agree with Brian's comment...have you ever know a school to change it's colors just for fashion reasons? I don't think so...thanks for playing though.
Allison...here's a piece of advice...
"It is better to be thought a fool then to open one's mouth and remove all doubt!"
...you should probably refrain from any further posting because you have already lost all credibility...try not to further embarrass yourself.

Sarah

Fightin' Texas Aggie Class of 2004

(Hold mouse over picture to see "The Austin Effect")

My friends,
Here in Austin we have a large phenomenon that occurs each and every weekend. No it's not bars getting slammed for liquor licenses (that only happens once a month). It's what I call "The Austin Effect". As Webster's defines it:

"The Austin Effect" < thEE AWE-stin uH-fect >: a phenomenon in which no person shall attend a party in Austin prior to the time of 10:30 post meridian, thereby considering themselves to be 'fashionably late' (Or just 'just lazy').

The mouseover in the picture above clearly shows "The Austin Effect" in action. You can see the first picture is at 10:25, the second at 12:00 midnight. I took about 150 total picture ranging from lap dances to pissing in the punch to me smacking a sasquach's ass. I'll post them tomorrow because, frankly, I'm just too lazy to do it now.